星期六, 3月 06, 2021

淺情人不知 (1)



那天,我走進blueDiaries的時候,木藍正在唱這首歌。聽她唱的時候,某些感覺觸動了我的心弦。我走到吧台,和Mike還有Jack打了個招呼。平日,我是不來這裡的。我只在週末的時候,才會出現在這裡。木藍是我只聽過在這裡駐唱的名字,這是我第一次聽她唱歌。雖然吉他和歌聲不怎麼樣,但是⋯⋯嗯,我無法解釋那種感覺。

blueDiaries在平日挺冷清的,只有週末的時候才會熱鬧起來。木藍從不拿週末的班,儘管週末的工資比較高。不過,也好,如果她在週末唱,可能會把blueDiaries唱出冷清來,這生意就難維持了。

剛才遇見了曉芋。發現藏在心裏的那段過去,原來已經翻篇了。連她過得好不好,我都沒一絲渴望想知道了。匆匆的寒暄,然後我就來到這裡了。

木藍很快就放工了,也走向吧台,向Mike要了杯啤酒,咕嚕咕嚕的喝完。Mike他們想向木藍介紹我,我打了個眼色,不必介紹我的身份。

“這是你們的朋友啊?”她微笑地看著我,眼睛好像星星般的閃閃發亮。“你好!我叫木藍。”

“納斯。”

“你好酷噢!”說完,她又向Mike要多一杯啤酒。

“你很能喝酒?”

“我?哈哈!不行,我快醉了⋯⋯”

“她偶爾會這樣喝酒,然後就醉倒,然後跟我們回家!”Mike解釋。

也是,以Mike和Jack的關係,她一定很安心地被他們帶回家。

“Mike,我跟你說⋯⋯今天,嫂子又給臉色我看。我今天不要回家。今晚我就過去你們那裡⋯⋯”然後就開始一些語無倫次的話語,然後就醉醺醺了。剛好我就在身邊,她就醉倒在我懷裏。

“今天我帶她回去吧。”我也不曉得怎麼了,就想帶她回家。

“呃⋯⋯老大,會不會嚇到她?”

“你們不想過你們的二人世界?”

Jack拉了Mike的衣角,然後就同意了。

我把她抱起來,由Jack幫忙,把她弄到車裏,然後就回家了。她還真毫無戒心的睡著了。我把她安置在客房裡。查看了公司電郵箱,洗了澡,就睡了。

隔天早上,我給木藍弄了簡單的早餐。她睡醒後,被陌生的環境弄得懵逼,然後很快就處於安然狀態,吃我弄的早餐。

“謝謝你啊!一定是Jack磨你,要你帶我回家的!他丫,總說我打擾他們。也不想想我是怎麼幫他們度過難關的⋯⋯”

“難關?”

她咬著麵包,想著要怎麼向我解釋“⋯⋯呃,沒什麼。”悶悶的咀嚼麵包。

“你住哪裡?我送你回家。”

“噢!我就住在Setia Alam。不過,你載我回blueDiaries就行了。我的車停在那裡。”

“嗯。”

“死Jack,幸好我有放換洗的衣服在車上。待會可以直接去上班。”她小聲嘀咕著,被我聽到了。

“你在他們那裡有換洗的衣服?”

“噢⋯⋯呃⋯⋯是上次⋯⋯呃,我偶爾會在他們家過夜,所以在那裡有間房。”

“嗯。”

就這樣,我在平日去blueDiaries多幾次後,我家也有她的換洗衣服,那客房也似乎變成了她的房間。她其實也不常在我家過夜,不過一個月有大概那麼的一、兩次。偶爾,我不在的時候,也去Mike那裡過夜。




嗯,這才是我原先想出來的故事,當我開始錄這首歌的時候。不過,就是不想寫在blueDiaries那裡。因為,那裡有一些“固定”的角色了,還不想更換。不過,就變成要寫不一樣的故事時,有一定的constraint。

這個⋯⋯看看我是否能寫出一個“霸道總裁”故事來。:P

星期一, 2月 01, 2021

光影間|也許 - 在MD紙上用墨汁



終於在這MD notebook本子上用了墨汁。我一直都不敢在任何本子裡用上墨汁。擔心會透到n頁去。然而,上次在這本子上用水彩花了朵乾花後,覺得它可能可以hold住墨汁,因此心也變得“強大”起來,期待在這本子嘗試。

正巧,星期六那天練了春聯,因此就興起這樣的念頭。當時,要在手帳裡寫些什麼,是完全沒有概念的。不過,就突然冒起“也許”兩個字。因此,就用app找來米芾的字帖,用喵喵機列印出來,然後跟著寫。

字體寫得不怎麼樣。在筆尖和字的空間的控制,還是有待改善。

由於這是一時興起的念頭,因此,寫了“也許”兩個字後,我停頓了好一陣子。這個影片都是以300%速度前進的。中間剪接了一些,然後最後幾秒才是“現時”的。:D

我還沒有給《光影間》弄個封面,因此就暫時用黑色封面吧!

星期三, 1月 27, 2021

聽JJ唱:So far away



想錄這首歌,真的很久很久了。一直都沒有錄過。以前想像是一面聽著Roxette的版本,一面跟著彈唱。最終,還是只是有時想起的時候,就播他們的歌,然後⋯⋯練唱。

在做上個星期的計劃的時候,就把這首歌放進計劃欄裡,這次一定要錄這首歌了。沒有之前想像的錄音方式,不過自己也錄了好幾遍。然後在幾刷之間,選了這個。

Roxette在我中學時期佔有一席之位。他們的卡帶,現在回想起來,還真貴!哈!我覺得Per Gessle把他們的歌都寫得很不錯,他的聲音也很特別。不過,我比較著迷於Marie Fredriksson的聲音。在George Michael過世後,另一個歌手的去世讓我有種惋惜的心情就是Marie了。

說真的,Marie把這首歌唱得夠傷感。那是我無法模仿到的。這首歌的歌詞其實很簡單,而且很多重複,不過卻可以把那傷感慢慢的鋪陳起來。這也是我希望可以學習到的。

星期日, 1月 10, 2021

My 2020 Annual Review

I kept refreshing James Clear's annual review page, he has not published his 2020 review yet. However, I already done my 2020 review (in numbers) and already planned, and started my plans for 2021. So, I better not to drag this any longer.

This was from my 2019 looking forward section.

My tech thoughts, my "The Magical Adventures of A Single Life", the yet to complete 有關愛情的故事手帳, swimming, Japanese, French, Security Testing related, Open Stack, new drawing/writing journal 2020心情雜記, another 25 books, 信情故事, Inktober, online courses, more TED talk summary... I hope this is not too much for me.

Oh my! I only done half-way for OpenStack, completed 2020心情雜記, only 7 books, Inktober and 13 TED talk summary. The rest... dropped, failed. This is so demotivating... This is not something I wanted to start with myself review... But this is reality.

Anyway, let's go to my yearly summary in number first.

I did...

  • 61 Video clips, on YouTube and Facebook
  • 7 books
  • 8 movies
  • 8 dramas
  • 18 novels
  • 50 workouts
  • 358 blog post
  • 54 30" writing
  • 13 TED summary
  • 39 tech articles
  • 30 山海經提及的神仙介紹
  • 3 local trips
  • 1 oversea trip
  • 1 oil painting class
  • 5.5 courses
  • n webinars
  • 2 art journal books


Based on the highlighted accomplishment, I gave myself a 70% score for 2020.

Let's continue with the normal yearly review routine.

What went well?



Learning

Well, I don't put course here, as I'd like to put that in "What didn't go well" category. However, I did quite some random learning. Re-learn/pick up new technology terms, attended quite a number of webinars from RedHat/AWS/VMWare/... and many more. I don't remember. At one point, I stopped, as I think it's enough for my fish brain for the year. I also manage to register for a free Azure foundation course, and passed the exam.

Readings

I read 7 books. Not much. Due to the pandemic, I read the books from my bookshelves, both online and offline. I also read 18 novels, mostly online. The numbers didn't reach what I expected. When I did my review, and looked at the books in the storeroom, which currently is also my working/study/journaling/recording room, I got motivated to read those books, then give them away or sell them away. :D

Job

I finally get to work from home! This save my time, A LOT! Last year, I sent out an email to request for feedback, I got quite a handful replies. The feedbacks are mostly motivating. I also had a mentor, who chit chat with me, and share me her experience. She also convinced me that, influencing skill is not something to be trained overnight, I'll just do my part, and eventually the result will come. This makes me feel less stressed. I also started to have regular 1:1 with my manager, and found out he is actually ready to help us, we just need to ask for it. End of last year, I am taking over the planner role in my team. I believe this is a recognition on my planning and time/priority management skills.

Trips

Yes, it's pandemic, this shouldn't be mentioned at all. But alas, I did make it to Krabi early of the year! I went to Penang and Perak before MCO in March. I also manage to brought my mum to Zoo Negara when MCO ended in July. 1 oversea trip, and 3 local trip.

KDB

I can't put blogging in this category, but I did a 2-month blogging, 1 month on technology terminology introduction, and 1 month on 山海經's god and goddess introduction.

Drawings

I started to draw a lot! I was able to count how many drawings I did in 2019, but don't think I want to count it for 2020. I did one-month daily drawing and upload to YouTube, completed the Inktover, tried to sketch with pencil and charcoal, tried gouache colour. I am quite satisfied with the result. I also manage to attend an oil-painting class, right before the MCO!

Writings

I completed a book in size of A6, trying to write 散文/小語/poem. I also did 54 30" writings, which I aimed for only 52. This is as a result of my one-month on the daily writing challenge that I gave myself. The 52 was supposed to be a weekly expectation, and I manage to make up to the number by having a one-month challenge. :D

What didn't go so well this year?



Courses

I didn't do a single IDF class this year, wasted my one year subscription, and I quit. I also quite SimplyPiano at the end of the year. During this pandemic, I moved back to my parents' place, didn't have my piano with me. I lost the momentum, so I ended my subscription. Another one year subscription fee wasted.

My RHOSP course, I didn't manage to finish it within 3 months. I blamed the lab disruption at the end of last 2 weeks. Following my momentum, I should be able to complete on time... Later, they extended the lab only after 1 month dealing with a few departments in RH, which quite demotivating. Later, I got a free course from the institute, and could choose any course from RH. At the end of the day, it's actually just for me to have another 3 months virtual class on the same course.一場歡喜一場空。 As a result, I didn't have enough "push" to complete the RHOSP course. This course is to be continue in 2021.

Blogging

I should blog more, since I am working from home. I calculated, I had 358 blog posts last year. It's not even 1 post a day. I started a new blog in end of 2019, and expected to write it weekly. I stopped after the 5th post. "The Magical Adventures of A Single Life" failed. :( I also didn't write much travel blog post, that I have piled up since 2009! I didn't even finish the writing for my Iceland trip.

Song writing

This was something that I'd like to focus on last year. Yes, blame on the pandemic again. I didn't have my favourite guitar with me, and the organ just out of order when I finally get my momentum want to work with my organ for this! Now that I have my Johnson and the keyboard with me now, I should work this out in 2021!

Photography

Though I took quite a number of photos, and did share in my photo-blog, but it's not up to my expectation. Like blogging, I should have done more. I watched a live stream from Canon end of last year, the topic was on photography project. This is something I should try, but no in my 2021 plan. Let's see how it goes in 2021.

Workouts/Meditation

I grouped these 2 together. At the beginning of MCO, I still do my regular workout. ~15 minutes in the morning. Based on my habit tracker, I just did a total of 50 workout through out the year! This number shows that I am not discipline enough! Gotta fix this in 2021. (I haven't started any workout this year....) I didn't did much meditation in 2020 as well. This is continue to be in my habit tracking list... I hope I can squeeze some time for these.

Languages learning

Last year, I set a target to learn 1000 Japanese words, and 1000 French words. I also wanted to write in Japanese and French, each set to 26 articles. This failed badly. I had a TN book on Japanese words. I think the list didn't go even up to 200 words.

What did I learn?



Letting go

I start to apply some minimalism concept in my life. Something that are cluttered in the room, or in my mind, I started to let it go. I have get rid of some stuffs from the past, and get some space in the store room for me to work. Later, the space is getting larger as time goes by. From a space for me to sit, with one laptop, now I can have both my personal and working laptop turned on, side by side. I also have my keyboard and recording equipments in the same store room. A designated table for journaling at the window side is also made available now. The store room never had the windows open at all, and now I have one window can be opened for a better air circulation in the room!

Be confident

At one point, when I had 1-1 with my manager, I lost my confident. He reminded me, why I failed to convince other on my solutions, though I thinkn my solutions are the best, is due to I am lack of confidence. If I am confident enough, I'll find way to win their support, and not just give up. He got a point. All this while, I blamed on my communication skills, and maybe my interpersonal skills. However, my mentor did encourage me. After I put myself together again, I know I should move on. In the past, I didn't get my audience to understand my background, and I set my own imaginations that they don't want to understand the idea. Now, I know I should think from the audience perspective, and communicate/present based on their perspective. This should be a 2-way communication, the way I did was just a 1-way channel. After realizing this, I gain my positive energy again.

On the other hand, I didn't have much confidence in my drawing as well. The one-month daily challenge to draw and post to YouTube channel, some how helped me to gain more confident. I managed to be confident enough to share some in my FB to my friends.

I also started j房之寶to introduce what's in my room. Did my narration in the video, as I envy how the YouTubers that I followed able to do. It's still quite awkward, but I think it's improving.

Be more realistic

I had too many plans. I strongly believe, if there's a will, there'll be ways. However, I think sometime I pushed myself too hard. I wanted to be excel at my work, learn as much as possible, read as much books as possible, draw everyday, write everyday, blog everyday, write a song every month, complete my novel writing, complete my travel blogs, learn new languages.... and the list goes on.

I stopped the IDF/SimplyPiano subscription, as I know they are no longer my priority. I also stopped the webinar registrations, when I realized I have something else that I wanted to work on, compare to keep myself to be up to date on the technology.

I get rid of quite a number of the books I got during my Uni time, such as circuits, electronics and more. I know I won't revisit them again. Never, ever.

I also realize, fancy artistic journaling to be incorporate in my daily life's journal or planner is not realistic. I am best with vertical weekly timelined spread, that's why I am getting one again for 2021.

What I am looking forward?



For this year, I allocated 15 minutes in the morning for Japanese. By end of the year, I should be able to understand YouTube clips in Japanese.

For social media posting, I am focusing on 聽JJ唱, J房之寶series, and song writing. Yes, social media became one of my focus now.

I planned to read 24 books this year.

As for course, I'll focus on completing RHOSP, then focus on Pentest related ccourse only.

My blogging target also set to a minimal number, which would mainly focus on my travel blog, and write about the books I read.

I also allocated 15 minutes at night for practicing Chinese character writing. My space sense in art needs a boost, and this should help. :D

With this plan, my time is actually fully (if not overly) booked. I have no idea how to squeeze some time for drawing and normal blogging, and also my photography project(s). Let's see how it goes. :)

頑張ってくだいさい!

I hope I got the Japanese words right. :D

星期一, 1月 04, 2021

J房之寶:Himi jelly gouache



我想做關於文具影片很久了。大多數是在看別人的影片,還有journaling的影片。由於我收藏了很多很多文具,有些想要贈送出去,一些可以賣的就賣吧?!因此,就弄了這個FB公共主頁。名字呢,也想了許久,最後鎖定「戀戀物語」。原本是想放戀物狂的,不過,戀物狂的意思⋯⋯那⋯⋯我沒那心理病。呵呵~

這盒水粉已經買了很久。當天開箱畫了兩幅畫,其實至今就沒怎麼動了。前幾天在去年的Inktober本子裡畫了十年日記本,就用了這盒顏色。它的味道⋯⋯有點臭。哈哈!不過,我會繼續用這顏色的。

弄了個縮時畫畫影片,畫出來的時候,覺得挺糟糕的,後來再看那幅畫,還有看了自己的錄影後,覺得還不賴啊!嘻嘻~



這影片,覺得自己剪接得還不錯,多虧了Lauren Duski的背景音樂!

聽JJ唱:一場游戲一場夢

昨晚心血來潮,弄了個cover。



。。。

那是我在上個月27弄的,接下來是想寫有關copyright claim的事,移到了KDB那裡做“教學”,然後,這篇就這樣被擱置了。

會想要錄這首歌,是因為當時收拾這200x年的“收藏”。當時看到一張去看王傑演唱會的賬單。嗯,就只有賬單,演唱會有沒有票根,我就不記得了。上網想搜一下那個演唱會的資料,搜尋結果只顯示當時有那場演唱會。哈哈!後來在YouTube看到有人po了一小段這首歌,於是決定要錄它。我的歌單裡,其實都(還)沒有安排這首歌。

我在鍵盤上找了好久的歌曲style,都覺得和這首歌格格不入,有想要換去彈吉他了。我太久沒彈吉他,連基本的彈法都無法掌握,沒達到自己的基本要求。於是,又跑回鍵盤上繼續摸索。突然,就覺得這個還真不錯。嘗試唱了幾回,自己也覺得滿意,就錄了。

家人說,這首歌唱得很平淡。我說,就是要這樣的感覺。哈哈!

不過,這次因為一直反覆的唱,還有抄歌詞,我才發現自己一直所了解的歌詞,都是錯的。我這。。二、三十年以來,我一直以為它寫的是關於遊戲人間的人,不過⋯⋯這次注意到了這一句:“在兩個人的世界裡不該有你。”

這,不就是說小三嗎?!

你,也剛驚覺嗎?

星期日, 1月 03, 2021

聽JJ唱 - Kiss me goodbye



許久沒有寫部落格了。其實有很多東西寫,很多東西想分享,不過⋯⋯就是時間不對,提不起勁完成一篇文章。不過,既然今天時間還早,我今天也花了大概三個小時看YouTube、三個小時看書,可以“偷閒”寫部落格吧。

這是昨晚錄好的。第三個版本。第一個版本是鍵盤原key的,C大調,然後轉去F大調吧?我其實觀察了好一陣子,才發現轉調的地方。Verse都是用C調的,chorus那裡,就轉了F調;接下來在轉回C調進verse 2,然後F調chorus and ending。我一直只發現從chorus去verse 2有轉調而已。今天看了好和弦介紹1-2-4-5的轉調方式,1-2一個調,然後4-5另一個調,下次寫歌的時候會嘗試嘗試。

這算是我今年的第二支影片。第一支在幾個星期前開張的臉書公共主頁上傳,關於五年、十年日記。嗯,那是一個介紹我的“書房”裡的東西的公共主頁。下次再分享。

話說回來,這首歌錄好後,覺得自己唱得有點吃力,於是降了4歌key,重錄。重錄的成果,讓妹妹聽。她說,你可不可以唱得有層次感一點。我問,那是啥意思啊?她說,可能一開始平靜,然後哀怨,接下來生氣什麼的。我睜大眼睛看著她。停頓後,我深吸一口氣,然後給她聽了第一個版本。我說,把key調高,我才能唱出一點她說的層次感,不過就是不好聽啊~她聽了後,說另一個版本,我也不大能唱好啊。於是,第三版的,就是只是減兩個key。昨晚錄了幾遍後,鄰家的狗又開始吠個不停。唉~我還唱得起勁兒了呢!結果,等了一個小時多重錄的時候,那種感覺又沒了。不過,我決定不做完美主義者,這樣就夠了。噢,還有,原本兩個版本的tempo是78的,我把它加速到86。可能因為這樣,也比較好唱點。哈!

嗯,這次上傳這影片,還是遭到了copyright claim。我file了dispute。

連同n年前用五月天《純真》的編曲來襯托我自己寫的曲子,也一起file dispute。結果,華納很快的駁回我的申請。原想繼續上訴的。不過,我也不是要掙錢啊!更何況,也不多view。就是不爽在我的影片下方植入他們想推的歌的連接。這種情況,目前在我的頻道,就只有華納這麼做。如果只是植入連接去五月天的《純真》,或者顯示用了五月天的《純真》,就好了嘛。我自己也寫啦~

我不曉得是YouTube的系統問題,還是對方的問題,那有關《純真》的dispute reject,是沒有寫原因的。因此,我決定把影片設定成private。

其他的一些有copyright claim的舊影片,我也把它們換去unlisted了。

今年的目標,是弄50個聽JJ唱影片。不過,要頭疼這些copyright東東,還真的不是很開心。雖然說,我從沒想過要從YouTube賺外快,到想想應該可以賺外快,到現在的放棄狀態,我還是不喜歡這些亂亂claim copyright的“集團”。上個星期那個CASH公司的,可以在這裡,How to file copyright dispute in YouTube,讀相關的文章,我把它當作一個“教學”範例。目前還在等著對方“檢閱”status。:P