星期五, 7月 31, 2020

Miracle makes way

Rewrite an hour of your day.
But add an accident, magic, a storm, a strange encounter.
Or hey, add all of the above.


I was on my way back from office. The traffic was as bad as usual. The car behind me honked.

"Just fly over, if you can." I challenged him as he could hear this.

Suddenly, there's a siren started from behind.

"What?! An ambulance? How could it get through all these cars?!" I was worried. I looked at my rear mirror. Somehow, the cars behind were just seems like being squeezed and made way for the ambulance!

As the ambulance came nearby, my car still stuck and there's no way for me to move my car without bump to the next car. And the ambulance was approaching in great speed!

Out of sudden, I just felt .... "compressed"! Yes! That's the word that I could describe that feeling! And I just see the ambulance passed by, then things got back to normal, as nothing's happened.

Was I the only one saw it, and felt it? Did the driver behind also see the same thing?

I can't see the facial expression of the driver. However, he no longer honk. I guess he was shocked as me.

God bless the patient in the ambulance.

As expected, I reached home 2 hours later. :(

星期四, 7月 30, 2020

My partner, Frank

You are at the circus.
There's a noice, a bang.
The animals have all gotten loose.
Somehow, you end up the hero of this story.
Tell us.


I saw people running out. I am not sure what happened. A big noise is coming from front. I am sitting at the second last row on the right. That is the cheapest ticket I could afford. I missed Frank. I must see him today.

Suddenly, I heard a roar of rage.

"Frank?"

As the people running out, I was trying to make my way to the front. Then, I saw there are a lot of animals on the circus stage! The roar was from Frank!

All the animals were out of control. They were running everywhere. None of the beast trainers could calm them down.

Frank was keep roaring and encourage the animals to continue the chaos. Yes, Frank, my wild big cat!

"Frank!" I yelled.

He roared in joy, and running towards me. This scared more people, and everyone tried to ran away to save their lives.

Frank pounced on me and licked my face.

"Oh, Frank! I am sorry. I missed you so much!" I hugged him in return.

Suddenly, all other animals started to calm down, and came surround us.

I was one of the circus beast trainers. Frank was my best partner. I was fired after I crippled due to an accident.

I am glad that we reunion again.

星期三, 7月 29, 2020

I am already 40-year old, so what?!

Think of a conversation that you regretted. Perhaps you were unkind, or perhaps you missed the perfect zinger comeback. Rewrite it as you wish it happened. Then let it go. I have stuck in couple of hours with this. I can't recall any conversation... Let me flip through my dream log, if I can find any cue to write. hmm.... I dreamed about a younger fella interested in me, and I told him I am already over 40 years old. :D S: Hey, would you like to go for a tea with me? J: Yeah, why not? S: Let's go now. We went to The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, ordered our drink and sat down at one of the corner. S: I share the same intereset with you. I love to journal too. Probably we could do journaling together, or share our journals with each other? J: Hmm... don't you think that's too personal? S: That could be a good way for us to know each other better. I saw you shared some journal photos in your IG. J: True... (If you have any plan for a romantic relationship with me... I am already 40 years old.) J: Let's do this regularly. (I put on a smile) S: That's great! Dream finished. :D

星期二, 7月 28, 2020

The unnoticed special ones

Think of a person in second.
The second man on the moon.
The second runner in the race.
Tell us about them.
Tell us their story.


He was the second child of the family. He has a elder brother and younger sister. The family put high hopes on the big brother, and pour their best love to the small sister. Everything and everyone is just seemed right, except for him.

He didn't get the attention from the family, so he thought he could get it in school. He has a quite good result, but just someone would be better than him. In sports, he would be in the consideration as the alternate player list, but not the first choice to go into the field. He will always be neither the real player, or the actual audience in the field.

He started to develop his own observation skill. He could tell which one in the class is the eldest, and which is the youngest in the family, and which is the only child in the family. To his surprise, there are only very few like him, as middle child. He considered them, including him, the unnoticed special average ones.

Today, he is celebrating the born of one of the unnoticed special average ones' birthday. No one was with him. He was alone, but not lonely. As, he is the special one.

星期一, 7月 27, 2020

My dream room

You're in a room that is filled with things you've always wanted.
Tell us about the room and everything within it.


When I was a kid, I have always imagined there's a big cave behind my bedside. It contains all kinds of food that I love, and I could sneak to there to eat the food that I want. Since I have grown up, I wish this room would have a superb chef with all the food and ingredients ready. I could order the chef to cook whatever I want, and ate at a elegant marble dining table. I must mention this is a robotic chef, as I don't want to share this place with someone I don't know.

Near the windowsill, there's a corner for me to relax. All sort of books are nearby. I get to pick what I want to read, be a novel, a self-improvement, or technical books.

There's another windows, where I have this big height-adjustable table. I got all the stationeries that I love and want on the table, or in the storage boxes, or drawers. All my notebooks and journal books are well kept there.

On one of the wall, there's a big world map, where I put flags on the places I have visited.

Oh! I also want a wardrobe of Chinese traditional clothing. And all sorts of musical instruments.

I can't think of more now. Till then. :D

星期日, 7月 26, 2020

Why I revenge!

You jump in a lake.
Or an ocean.
Or a deep river.
You find you can breathe underwater.
What happen next?


I was pushed from the ship. I am sure it was not an accident. It was too quick for me to even scream, then I was already in the water. I was scared and wanted to get up to the surface to breathe.

But for I could react, I felt something on my skin. I realized I could open my eyes and see clearly under the deep blue sea! My skin! It's like, I was breathing through my skin! No! It's not feel like! It's doing the breathing! I don't feel suffocate or dizzy under the water!

I found out could swim faster than the ship. I decided to swam to our destination, Port Swettenham, and waited at the port there.

I tried to recall what happened on the ship. We were playing hide-and-seek. My cousin, Mary, was the only one with me, looking for a spot to hide together. The only one could have pushed me must be her! I don't know why she would want to do that, but she is going to get a payback!

Finally the ship has reached the port. My cousins were shocked when they saw me. My mum rushed to me in tears. "Where have you been! We couldn't find you anywhere!"

"Oh, I was playing hide-and-seek with cousins. I win! They didn't find me!" I gave a revengeful look to my cousin. "Next time, it will be my turn to SEEK for them."

What couldn't kill me makes me stronger. I said to myself.

星期六, 7月 25, 2020

Love comedy

Someone hands you a note and asks you to delivery it.
It's important, they said.
You have an hour.
Everything that could go wrong does.
This is a comedy.


I was enjoying my clam chowder in a restaurant. While I was sipping my third spoon of the soup, a handsome guy pulled out the chair and sit next to me.

"I need your help." He spoke softly. "Can you help me to pass this note to the lady over there? The one wearing white blouse and blue skirt sit near the windows."

"Huh?" I was disturbed. "What is this note?"

"Love letter." He whispered.

"What? Love letter?!" I exclaimed anxiously.

"Shhhh....."

"OK, but why for her?" I asked. "She is not pretty."

"She is my apple." He gently said this with smile in his eyes.

"Fine! You are going to pay for my bill!"

"Deal! Please be fast, she will be leaving in an hour. I want to know her response to it."

"Alright..."

I stood up and walked towards her. Then I heard sipping sound behind. I turned back and saw him starting to drink my soup!

"Hey! Why you eat my soup!"

"Because I am going to pay for it..."

"But, you are going to pay for me because I am helping you to deliver love message!"

"Well... you didn't say I cannot eat your soup..." He muttered. "Please.. please go and delivery the note. I beg you."

I was still angry about it. "A handsome guy, came to me, eat my soup, and I gotta delivery his love message to someone else!" I murmured.

"Please... I... I'll buy you another soup!"

"Alright!" I called for waitress, and ask for another soup. "Please bill all expenses to this gentleman." I reminded the waitress.

As I went over to the lady, another waitress bumped into me with two glasses of wine in his hand. My white dress was stained.

"Oh gosh! What a day!" I quickly ran to the washroom, and tried to clean my dress.

I heard a knock at the door. "What?!"

It's the handsome guy again.

"What?! What do you want?!"

"Please.... go and delivery my note first. She is leaving soon."

"But my dress!"

"I'll pay for that."

I sighed and go out from the washroom, and walked towards the lady again.

"Hey, there's someone who ask me to send..." Where is the note?

"Yes? Send what?"

"Have you seen the note?"

"What note?"

"There was a note in pink paper... where is it?"

"Pink paper?"

"Yes!" I tried to recall what happened. "Oh! It must be at the washroom, let me go and get it. Please wait!"

I rushed to the washroom, but see no paper there. "Would it be dropped when the waitress bumped to me?"

I rushed back to the dining hall, but I can't find it.

That handsome guy walked towards me with a sad face.

"I'm sorry, I dropped the note. I am not sure where I dropped it..."

"It's ok. I don't need her response already." He sadly looking at her.

That lady was holding close by another man.

"Here's the note." He handed the paper to me. "I don't need that anymore..."

"I am sorry... but, can it be written for me?" I asked in joy.

He looked at me, and suddenly I saw a spark in his eyes. "Yes! Why not?!"

Then we kissed. :D

星期五, 7月 24, 2020

He came from Bermuda Triangle

Think of a teacher you had, or have.
Write about them.
Give them a secret.
Perhaps a superpower, a crime that they got away with, a love they cannot share.


看到這個題目,我想到林奕含的「房思琪的初恋乐园」。我只看過別人的介紹,並沒有看過這本書⋯⋯Anyway...繼續~

He was my Science teacher, when I was in secondary school. He opened up my world, and told me a lot about different places in this world. He told me about the Bermuda Triangle, also known as the Devil's Triangle.

He said, the compass variations and extreme weather are the two best "natural disguises" that keep people away from it.

"Did you ever go there?" I couldn't help myself one day, and ask this. He could describe every details of the place. Like what kind of animal you could find there. What kind of weather you might encounter there, and what could you do. What is there deep down the sea. How the megalodons could survive there...

He looked at me and hesitated a while. "I came from there. It is my home town. I just can never go back there..."

He looked out from the windows, as he could see through the skies and reached to his home town.

I am not sure if he lied, or I dreamed this scene. But he never talk about Bermuda Triangle anymore, as he never told me any of the details that happened there.

He left the school year end, and no one ever see him again.

星期四, 7月 23, 2020

A regretted life event

Think of a key moment in your life.
A celebration, a scene, an event, a pivotal memory.
Describe for us, in great detail, where it all unfolded.


It was my sophomore. Finally, it's time to go for the physical test and interview to join the reserved navy. I remember another friend and I went for it. She probably didn't go, or failed the physical test, I can't recall. She was not with me during the senior briefing. At the end, she joined the reserved army.

I remember there was a 10 km run. I manage to complete it within the required time. There was around 5 female candidates successfully made it. I was one of them.

Later, there was a female senior came over and talked to us. She congratulated us, and said there will be only one of us will be selected. It opportunity is so precious, that she hoped only the one that is determined to join the navy to proceed for the following interview.

I hesitated after heard her advice. I know I am determined to join the navy, but I can't be sure if I would be committed for the course of 3 years. It is a tough decision for me then.

I was active in a lot of other activities as well. Signing up for this, indicates that I could never tried any other activities like I was doing then. I could think of what would be the future like. I want to be independent and be discipline, in the mean time, it was the first time I am far away from home, and I got the freedom to do whatever I want. I was in dilemma.

Finally, I decided to walk away. I did not wait until the interview session, which was scheduled 2 hours later.

I regretted it, by the way.

星期三, 7月 22, 2020

Get prepared for my wedding

You wake up one morning in the wrong place.
The wrong home, or city, or country, or planet.
You need to get home.
Fast.
What happens next?


It's my wedding today. But I am not sure where I am now. I woke up in this old-fashioned wooden house at no where.

Outside of the house, there's only a small path leading to the woods.

"What happened? Is this just a dream? I am late for a make up and hair do for my wedding!" I muttered myself.

Oh wait?! Is this the kind of lucid dream that they talked about?!

Alright, let's see what kind of adventure that I will meet here.

I saw there're some bread on the dining table, and a cup of hot coffee. That's what I need for breakfast! I grabbed the bread with my left hand, and the coffee with my right hand, and here we go, to the adventurous journey!

I took bite by bite the bread slowly, and sipped the coffee in between, while walking on the path. I can feel the morning summer breeze, warm and welcoming. There were some rabbits running on the path, making their way to the woods too.

Is this some kind of "Alice in Wonderland?" I followed them. I was fascinated with the trees and flowers in the wood! There are a lot of little white flowers. It's feels like the galaxy in the greens. Look at the big champagne roses there!

"JJ! JJ! Wake up!" I heard some voices. It's coming from everywhere.

"Wake up! You are going to be late for your wedding!"

What? I rubbed my eyes and found out I am still at bed. My sister pulled away my blanket and tried to wake me up. Alas! I haven't picked up that beautiful roses for my wedding!

星期二, 7月 21, 2020

2020心情雜記最終篇



我的「2020心情雜記」,終於“寫”完了。並沒有成為去年設定的模樣。我以為,會把它弄成一本繪本的。不敢說要像幾米出版的那些繪本⋯⋯至少,也要像本繪本。

也可能因為有這樣的設想,因此一月才弄了個八、九頁。到了MCO前,也弄了十多張、廿多張而已。心想,這可能像是第一本“繪本”那樣,會跨年的用了。

MCO首兩個星期,也沒什麼進展,一直到⋯⋯四月,加上看了大量的IG分享,我開始瘋狂的塗鴉了。

我也開始拿出貼紙,跟著畫,當作練習還是打發時間什麼的。

上個星期,終於“完成”了。之前盤算著,會用TN本子作為新的繪本。不過,因為在這期間買了不少手帳周邊產品,還有一本A6一日一頁的本子,加上看見網上的手帳兒做的拼貼,我也想嘗試這樣。於是,新的一本手帳開始了,卻不是為了替代這「2020心情雜記」的。等想畫畫、塗鴉的時候,應該會開始動那本TN本子吧?至今還未給它的封面進行佈置還有取名呢!

話說回來,這是在我家外面的石桌上拍攝的。光線充足,真好。沒有什麼影子。從第一個「2020心情雜記」視頻的翻翻看後,接下來的翻翻看。

看了影片的時間長短,和現有的音樂音頻的長短,選了這首「憶」。這次,那什麼東東的公司不再發copyright claim了。不曉得是系統變聰明了,還是什麼原因,這次挺順利的。要不然,我就繼續dispute claim!

接下來的影片,已經有好一些idea了,看看什麼時候踏出下一步。:)

I am a mother now, but you are yet to be a father

It's not you, it's me.
Have this conversation.
About work, love, friendship.
The art of letting a person down easy.
Because it is an art.
Talk it out.


It's hard to believe that, this has come to an end.
You have been working day and night to earn money to support our family.
Even weekend, you don't have time for kids to spend some quality moments.
You need to prepare for work.
You are either somewhere out there, or in the study room, but not anywhere else in the house.
Yes, you are busy with anything and anyone else, but not me and the kids.
I threw tantrum at you or kids, it didn't change anything.
Anyway...
Yes, it's not you, but me, who changed after give birth to the twins.
I become more and more sensitive.
I tried to ignore the fragrance on your shirt from other woman.
I tried to ignore the fact, you were not working, but flirting with other woman.
You were tensed with my behaviour.
You were tensed with raising up two kids at the same time.
You just forgot you loved me...
And it's me who made you becoming a non-loving husband, non-loving father.
Well, glad that you finally say it out, let's get divorced.
No, no, don't worry.
It's not you, it's me, who changed.
I am a mother now, but you are yet to be a father.

星期一, 7月 20, 2020

5 years later

Describe you in five years.
Be generous, kind, loving to future you.
Don't change too much.
You must still be you.


I still not achieving 100K subscribers on my YouTube channel. At least, I have around 10K on my second YouTube channel. I can "officially" announce that, I am a YouTuber.

It was difficult for me to decide to work on a second channel. For the past twenty years, I didn't make it to have my blog "well-known", or at lease achieving thousands view a day. My blogs and YouTube channels were too niche, and it's mainly focus on my own thoughts and creations. But alas, I am not an artist.

I finally got my first USD100 payout from Adsense. It was kept at less than one dollar for years. That's something worth to celebrate.

I am also now a RedHat certified architect, and a certified pen-tester. This is at plan, which I started five years ago. I didn't switch to another company, as this company provide the oppportunities to my life-long learning, and I enjoy the work here.

I am still single, and living alone. I moved to the city couple of years ago. I enjoy seeing the high rise and lights at night at my balcony, sipping nice Chinese tea.

I still wrtie songs, and the main audience is myself. I completed another 5-year diary.

Oh yeah! I can speak Japanese now, and managed to pass the N3 exam. I am starting to pick up French again.

I managed to build good morning and night routines. I sleep early, and wake up early nowadays. I manage to turn my excessive energy to something useful now. It's nice to realize that it would be helpful, rather than just be noticed as hyperactive, racing thoughts and aggressive.

Life has been so good so far. I can't ask for more.

星期日, 7月 19, 2020

情感傷害

今天在YouTube看到Psych2Go關於情感傷害的影片。有些人會覺得這些是小題大做。上一輩的說,我小時候也是經過長輩或長兄的打罵走來的,還不是好好的?你們太脆弱了。

看到樓下的留言,選了兩個有這同樣的想法的。






我想,和上一輩來做比較,還是有區別的。他們在打罵中長大,不過父母也沒怎麼管教,放任養的。我們這輩,除了打罵以外,還要背負他們的夢想、理想繼續過我們的生活。這麼看來,到底誰比較脆弱,有待商討。

很多人都忽略這種情感傷害。有的是因為已經麻木了,反正no one cares,日子還不是一天天的過?有的是因為反應了,沒有得到需要的幫助,反而收到更大的傷害,還有反應出來的理由嗎?

更可怕的是,施下這些情感傷害的人,往往就是最親近的人。你懂得如何用傷害力最強的話語來對親近的人說,而親近的人最多只是痛苦,不會離開你。然後,惡性循環著。你儘管用你的方式傷害我,我用我的方式讓你痛苦,知道一方筋疲力盡為止。

如果可以,顧及對方的感受,在一方受到感情傷害的時候,停下來聆聽或給一個擁抱。就能破除這不必要的惡性循環了。你說呢?

我懂⋯⋯嗯,我真懂。

別一直說「放下」就好了。就像上次的分享那樣,在胸口捅了一刀,然後對胸口說別流血的道理,是一樣的。

Food maniac

Today is your reunion.
Family? School? You and a former flame.
It unfolds *exactly* as you dreamed it would be.
Write the scene for us.


Well, at this point of my life, I am not keen with reunion. Reunion could mean remembering the happy moments, it's also could mean remembering the not-so-happy or sad moments. But alas, I am not able to reject Anthony's invitation to meet our old friends.

Before I thought I would drown with the previous precious moment, I just realized that everyone was bringing their spouse and kids. Alright, it seems I am the only one who still single. And yes, that's the other reason why I didn't want to attend for the reunion.

Everyone was talking about their family life, how are their kids doing. Somehow, I feel relieved that no one "noticed" me. We were just said "hi", then they continued with their topic. I tried to keep low profile, and stayed near the food counter, where I could eat as much as I like.

The food was so tasty. I just suddenly lost focus on their talking and fed my taste buds with all sort of food like a food maniac. There were steamed scallops with hot and sour sauce, butter crab, prawns, spring rolls, cakes, fried chicken, all kinds of meat balls, desserts, and I can't remember what else did I eat. I had been not enjoying a big group of gathering for very very long time!

At the end of the day, our class lead got everyone gathered and proposed the last toast of the day. Everyone went home happily, especially me, I think. :)

星期六, 7月 18, 2020

Late...

Rewrite an hour of your day.
But add an accident, magic, a storm, a strange encounter.
Or hey, add all of the above.


I was supposed to wake up at 5, but I didin't. It was a scheduled down time that I promised with client to fix the web application issue and restart.

I didn't know why. The alarm from my handphone, and the linked wrist band that would buzz me to wake me up didn't work. I was kept in dreams as there's no interruption at all.

The dream was so real, that I thought I was living in real life. I have a family of my own, with 2 kids. My husband and I brought our kids to the zoo. We were at the aquarium. My kids love the whale shark so much, that they didn't want to leave aquarium. They are chasing after the fish, from one end to the other end, and from the other end back to here. I was amused by their behaviour.

I remember... I did that too, as a kid, with my sister. I wonder if my mum was amused by us.

Suddenly, I heard phone ring. I jumped out from bed, and realized it's already 6:00 am! I was called by the Support team!

Gosh! There are 10 missed calls record on my phone! What happened! What would happened to my year end bonus?!

星期五, 7月 17, 2020

Toilet paper story

Invent a person who is deeply passionate about something very ordinary. Say: Ants, keys, toilets, apples, grass. Bring their passion to live for us. Anne is a toilet paper lover. She collects a lot of toilet paper. There was once, she went to visit her friend in New Zealand. While they were doing some groceries shopping, she saw a coloured and with cartoon's picture toilet paper! "Oh my god! I must get this!" "Are you sure? You are going to bring back to Malaysia?" "Yes! Why not?!" That's one of the little stories of her and the toilet papers. She also used the toilet paper to make creative works, like paper rose, and some abstract art work. She also used toilet paper to do drawing and caligraphy! She even has a room to store and showcase the toilet papers, and the art work that she did with toilet papers. Some of the toilet papers she got them when she is abroad. Some, she bought online. Whenever she go to the supermarket, toilet paper is the one never missed section that she would visit. I can't really describe, how passionate she is with the toilet papers! 呃⋯⋯那去紐西蘭買廁紙的故事,是真的。那四卷廁紙還在呢!但,我沒有鍾情於廁紙啦~

星期四, 7月 16, 2020

My secret

You arrived at a celebration.
A marriage? A baby shower? A birthday party?
You have a secret to reveal.
And not much time to reveal it.
What happens next?


Well, it was my niece baby shower. I was happy for my brother. However, I really need a break. My flight is about 3 hours away. I really need to leave. I haven't got a chance to tell my family.

I kept looking at my watch. The baby shower would start only another 30 minutes. My taxi would be here anytime.

"Hey, go help your sister to..." Before my mum could finished her words, my taxi reached. The taxi driver called.

I quickly picked up the phone and answered "Coming now..."

“What's going on?"

"Mum, I'll tell you when you reach airport, I gotta go now."

I ran to my sister in law and wished her, kissed the baby, took my luggage out from my room and bid farewell to everyone.

I still couldn't speak out that I just broke up with my boyfriend. I am so heart-broken that I need a getaway to hide myself and be with myself.

星期三, 7月 15, 2020

Sharing ikigai, or not.

Pick two versions of yourself.
Your public self v. your private self.
Or, your kind self v. your unkind self.
Your critical self v. your self-love self.
Write a conversation between them.
You v. you, sorting it out.


This is tough to write down. I normally have a lot of conversations within myself, consciously or unconsciously. I didn't differentiate which self were those.

Let jj as the public self of mine, and xz as the private self of mine.

jj : Let's talk about ikigai. I want to share this topic on YouTube or somewhere.
xz : But, I am not sure if I have identified my ikigai...
jj : Well, we have discussed this so many times already. jj : We are doing what we love, and probably good at (we'll keep improving), and we are paid! If it is not needed, we are not going to get paid.
xz : I know, but I can't relate what our job now with the world's need.
jj : You think too much. Or we rather thought the world's need are something like... saving-the-world-level great ambitious job.
xz : Yes, but...
jj : No but. There's no use to dwell deep inside if we "save" the world.
jj : We are doing something that the world need.
jj : Like a little screw, you don't see what it can do by looking at the screw itself.
xz : Yes, I know. But, how do we share this with others, while we can't clearly define ourselves at "doing something contributing to the world's need"?
jj : Alright, you got a point. Can't we just...
xz : Just say, we are paid, that's why there's someone need?
jj : Yeah... Errr... Why not?
xz : I just don't feel comfortable.
jj : Well, ok, we can just don't share this... but, this might be something the world's need?
xz : You got a point there. But, sharing this, we are not paid...
jj : (Sigh) So, what's now.
xz : Let's wait and see how it goes...

葬禮。後感

昨晚去參與了一個葬禮。

每家都有本難念的經。四分五裂後的家庭,或許也只有在這樣的時候,才會團聚。有沒有全家人團聚,我不曉得。故事太複雜了。故事裡的小孩子們都長大了。當時的成人,現在的老人,也只用家家有本難念的經來概括,還真以為當年的小孩還是小孩子咩?!一些拿著死者“遺願來道德綁架,真看不過去。不過,我就置身於外,當個觀眾好了。

我就想,萬一我走了,我希望直接拿去火葬。骨灰,要麼當肥料,要麼當塵埃好了,別念經,讓人來看什麼最後一面、送最後一程了。反正,這人世間都走過了。遺憾與否,也不重要。千萬不要才來說要實現我的遺願什麼的。嗯,我也沒想要讓還在人世的人難堪,不過也沒想要讓別人假裝來給自己好過一點。死了,還要利用我!我沒那麼偉大。

那天看了個影片,說了什麼來著。噢,不是,是一個心理醫師給的一個演講。她說,樂觀不是,別人傷害了自己,而笑說沒什麼。這並不是真正的樂觀。她沒說,但這是懦弱,別把自己當成聖人。傷害我的人,我不會原諒。只希望,你離我遠點,我離你遠點,別碰面。

別說什麼人生最後一程,就放下原諒什麼的。看到自己“寫”這些話,就可以很清晰的知道,什麼佛書、大道理,要我學會原諒、放下,這是不可能的。我只能做到,不再被傷害,忽視甚至不想起那些事情來干擾我的情緒而已。要翻舊帳的話,巨蟹座的我可能比其他人更會翻。因此,別試著在我面前用以前的“恩惠”來打動我。阿彌陀佛,我若像他們說的那樣放下,要麼出家了,要麼死了。

當然,我也感恩這些過去,讓我了解,很多人在你的生命中,就只是過客。一些在你冷的時候,給你擁抱;一些在你心上劃下傷痕;一些,就只是路過而已。你走你的陽光道,我走我的獨木橋,互不相欠,那些經歷,不過是必經之路而已。

什麼鬼,我還好好活著呢!呸呸呸~:D

星期二, 7月 14, 2020

He was my manager

Think of a leader in your life.
Someone you admire, or perhaps not.
Tell us about them.
Every detail you can conjure.


conjure = 想像

為什麼要用think of咧?用imagine,不久可以conjure嘍。這個字,是這樣用的嗎?

He was my manager. Technically not so strong, but he is still my manager. As a middle level manager of engineers, if you are not technically well-versed, it's hard to gain your subordinates trust, especially you are newly appointed middle level manager. You have no experience to lead a team, and you don't know what your team is doing.

However, he entrusted me on technical decisions, and give me enough space and opportunity to perform my job. He changed my bias towards the normal or average manager. Other team might feel sorry for us to report to him, but I feel grateful.

I think the way he handled in his journey of becoming a middle level manager is far better than expected. He did not try to prove that he has the great technical knowledge to lead the team. He also did not afraid to promote or give exposure for his subordinates that did well. He gave us enough room to grow.

Anyway, the way he handled the team, was also a miracle. It started with no one blessing, and most of us wanted to switch team. He was hired from another company, so none of us (not the management, obviously) trusted him if he has the capability to manage us.

I am maybe luckier. According to my peer, after I left the company, he treated me nicer than anyone else. Well, probably because I don't care much, and was given enough "space" for me to work on my role, and... did I give him some hard time? I am not sure. If I did, then I am grateful that he did not put it on heart, and was willing to accept me as his subordinate.

I wish him for his best.

星期一, 7月 13, 2020

My windowsill

Build us your perfect nook.
The most cozy, comfortable, soothing, lovely space built just for you.
Describe every details of this wonderful nook.


Nook means 角落.

I always wanted a big windowsill corner. Where the windows is big enough with lace and white thin cloth curtains. The sunlight, bird chirps, cool breeze make the best windows side. Looking out to the windows are high rise trees.

There's soft cushion that I can sit near by the window. Some of my favourite books are on the table, with my journal, pens, colours, and a cup of hot tea. Some background music is playing. No one could go and disturb that little peaceful corner. There are some tropical plants beside the windowsill. The air is so refreshing.

At night, the view could be the concrete jungle, where there are a lot of high rised building, with lights. The same corner that I am enjoying journaling or reading, just the view changed. Sunlight are replaced by moon light. Bird chirps become some traffic sound from the road, which is 10 or 20 storey away from where I am.

I can't decide if I want my windows view to be a real jungle, or the concrete jungle view... :D

星期日, 7月 12, 2020

心理意識




原本,題目想放心理病、精神病什麼的。這讓我覺得有種歧視的意念,因此改了,放心理意識。

我看過好一些心理醫師的“背景”介紹。他們都有個共同點,就是,他們遭受到一些心理的刺激,而想更了解心理這塊未知領域,來了解自己。因此,他們都比較可以接受“異議”,並且可以在“正常”與“非常”之間穿梭,游刃有餘。這些心理醫師,會比其他人更有同理心。

我覺得,陷入心理障礙,卻又苦無旁人協助,自己去了解心理的知識來給自己解開心鎖,是最佳的方法。

這屏幕截圖,是我今天在YouTube觀看Psych2Go的「7 things to say to someone with depression」裡的一個留言。說得一針見血。不過,身邊許多人,不就常這麼對待別人嗎?

我身邊也有這樣的人。因此,我特討厭這些人的關心。給予別人所不需要的關心,都不是真關心。這些人不會了解的。他們只覺得做了驚天動地、感人肺腑的事。就像一些人寫關於愛情的時候,說的那些,以為自己談了一場自我犧牲的偉大愛情,卻不曉得這不是對方想要的。以為感動他人的戀情,其實不過在自我感動而已。

我也儘量不做這樣的人。寧願give her space, leave her alone,也不要去打擾她。每個人都有自我療傷的能力,快與慢,就看個人功力了。不過,適時給予適當的幫助,當然也不可少。不要只做那錦上添花的事,更要避做出免落井下石的事。雪中送炭的事,要量力而為。

Dear Madam Curie

Pick a person you love or admire.
Write them a love letter.
Or a letter of appreciation.
Describe for them, in great details, your love, your admiration.
Be specific, detailed, rich in your language.


Dear Madam Curie,

I have known you since I was in Primary school. Your great discovery and invention was mentioned in one of our text books. I decided, I want to become a sciencetist when I grow up.

I love everything Science related. My most favourite was astronomy. I have a big A4 size book with all newspaper cuts on news related to Science findings, animals, plants, planets and stars, aliens...

In the Internet era now, I read more about you. You had a loving husband, who also supporting you in your career. When he died, you did not step back, but continue to work on and finally arhieve greater success in both Physics and Chemistry world. Your discovery has helped the development in medical science. Radioactivity able to kill cancerous cells and the X-ray, all these inventions have helped the mankind health up to the next level.

I could not express how much I admire you, for your determination and eager to learn everything. I am ashamed that I let myself being distracted by all other matters, and now, here I am, grown up, and could only read and write in the Internet world.

Anyway, you will always be remembered.

Salut! Madame.

星期六, 7月 11, 2020

Anniversaries...

You arrive on a scene (home? school? work?) to find chaos.
A mess, or smoke, or broken glass.
Somehting ridiculous has unfolded.
What?


It was a hot afternoon. I was having Erik Satie's Gymnopedie No 1 looped on my playlist. I reached my secondary school, and parked my car. It was 25 years after we have graduated there, and our class lead organized a reunion there.

I saw some other cars were already there, all were big cars. Looks like my schoolmates did very well in their path. I looked at my Little Pinky MyVi, which has not been washed since Chinese New Year, and sighed. I should have washed it before coming. At least, my car would be clean. I thought.

I didn't leave myself continue to grumble, and walked to our classroom, which happened to be the Biology lab. As I went near the lab, I heard some noises. Wait! That's not "some noises", but a quarrel!

I didn't like to handle this, and wanted to turn back. But P just reached, and asked me what happened? "I don't know. I was thinking of turning back, and maybe wait at the cafeteria."

"Oh, don't. Let's go and check out."

"Alright..."

As we went in, we saw S was crying. H was standing in another side of the classroom. There were 2 groups in the room. Our class teacher was standing beside S.

"Alright, S. H is doing this for you. He knew you miss your pals, so arranged this 20-years anniversary for you to be with your friends."

"But! It's our marriage anniversary today! He could have arrange this reunion on another day." H sobbed.

"Pengsan.... Apa ni..." P was still standing beside me, and I heard he whispered.

星期五, 7月 10, 2020

That football match!

Find a photograph of an event you did not attend.
Pick a stranger in the photo.
Describe the event from her/his/their perspective.


I recall few years back, my friend sent a photograph to me, which showing I was in a soccer field. Was it during World Cup period? That guy (or girl?) and I looked alike! Imagine the photo for this story. :)

It was the first half of the match. It rained a bit, the field was wet. However, everyone was so excited about the match. It's 0-1, between Czech Republic and Croatia. Croatia was leading. The Croatia supporters were so happy. When the second half started, the Croatia team act even faster and more energetic!

"Goooaaaaaaaaaaal!" Again! The Croatia team managed to get the 2nd goal! Everyone was overwhelm! Looks like Czech Republic has no chance in this match.

Czech Replublic's team manager quickly made a decision to replace with 2 substitutions. The strategy worked! One of the substitusions got the first goal for their team! The spirits of having hope to win again rose within the team. However, they still yet to get a second chance to make a goal again.

The team manager do the second substitution. The new substitution did not let them down! He managed to get a penalty kick opportunity, and made it at the last few minutes!

2-2! At the end of the match! It's a tie! Everyone was happy!

Done. There was a joke saying, why the adults in the field need to chase after a ball? Why don't give them each a ball so no one is hurt or tired. :D

I don't have the patience to watch football match. I think watch YouTube would be a lot more fun. :D

P/S: I got the details at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UEFA_Euro_2016_Group_D#Czech_Republic_vs_Croatia

上半年、下半年






不翻看照片不知道,原來自己寫錯字!還已經po在IG上面呢!唉~

這篇文章呢,純粹為了湊數⋯⋯每天要寫一篇blog文,那20“ writing不算。不過,又不想把這照片放在我的photo blog,就搬來這裡吧。:P

話說,這下半年,還不知道會怎麼樣。OpenStack training是定下了。現在⋯⋯噢不!是明天!也不是,是待會下午的時候,不知道第二個training會不會被approve。那個就關於security方面的。我上司比我更清楚年初說的training plan。哈!我還以為我的2nd training是pentest,原來不是。加油!

這兩天參與了VMWare和AWS的webinar。還不錯。剩下的Dockers和Jenkins的課程,還沒完成呢!擱置了兩個星期⋯⋯加油加油!

星期四, 7月 09, 2020

Listen to your soul

You are among three people who arrive at a hidden place.
A lake deep in the forest, or a castle deep in the mountains, or a lost island.
Soon enough, the group will uncover a hidden secret.


I wasn't sure if it's even real. After reading the book, "Norwegian Wood" (to be frank, I never read it), we started to plan our trip to Norway. The same-titled song by Wu Bai sang that, there's a clear-water lake, the atmostphere are so peaceful, and the secrets hidden under the white moonlit... We longed to be there to feel it on our own.

(I am stuck... I went to Google Maps to check out Norway's lakes. Then continued to Google on travel tips in Norway... :D)

We flied to Tromsø, rented a car, and drove to Extra Breivika to buy groceries. Then, we checked in to Tromsø Lodge & Camping.

We were too tired, and cooked ourselves some instant noodle, then went to bed.

The next day, finally we are energized. We walked along Tromsdalselva river. We walked for several hours, I am not sure how long it was. Then, we saw a small hut in the woods. We walked close to the hut, and saw there a a lot of ice-crystal-like stone there.

"Choose your ice stone, you'll hear your soul." There's a note there.

"I'll take this one!" I quickly picked up the one that reasonates with me. It seemed like belonged to me and left there for a long time.

I pulled out my hand glove, and put it on my hand carefully, as I wanted to warm it up. Suddenly, I felt I was in my own world. Time froze. The ice stone slowly melt on my hand. I felt some warmth fell down from my face, then hit on the ice stone.

After some times, and it felt like ages, we were back to where we were. My friends and I just burst into tears of happiness, and slowly walked back to the lodge.

We never discuss what happened then. We never see the hut again, even though we took the same path down the river the next day.

好吧,從《挪威的森林》,到《煮雪》,我已經不知道故事變成怎麼樣了。寫了很久,就這樣結束吧。

星期三, 7月 08, 2020

wave-pollutions

An alien arrives on Earth.
Magically, you are the only Earthling who understands their language.
You are called to translate their message to the world.
Write it out for us.


Hello Eartlings.

We are from Proxima Centauri. We come in peace.

We are here, because of the wave-pollutions that are caused by your activities.

Please do not keep on sending message to the universe and ask if there's anyone out there to reply.

Some of the nations did reply, and you do not understand, or did not even realize that it was a reply, or able to decode the waves as reply.

This recurring events have caused a very bad pollutions over the universe.

We are coming to inform you, there are lives out there. Some, like you, are curious about this world, and trying to get connected with others. Some, are still evolving, and they do not harm the universe, so we'll skip visiting them. Some, like us, have already cooperate and formed alliance to take care of this universe.

You are qualified to join us, when you are able to visit to Krypton, our headquarter.

星期二, 7月 07, 2020

He wasn't lonely when he lived alone

You come across a person who has lived alone for three decades.
In the woods, in a mansion, in a haunted house, on a boat.
Tell us their story.


"I love my rose, but I have to leave her. I did put her into a glass container to protect her." He claimed.

"I guess, when you are missing someone or something, that makes you feel lonelier."

"Yes, I guess." He sadly looked into the sky.

I am not sure if he regrets, but life moves on.

I once met with another person, who has lived alone in the woods for a long long while. He seemed to enjoy his life. He told me, he could sing out loud as no one is watching. He could dance in the wind with flowers and leaves flying around. He loves to wander in the wood, and loves the encounters with name unknown creatures and plants. He never feel alone.

I asked him, "What about your family? Don't you miss them?"

He looked into my eyes, paused, then said. "To be frank, I don't. I feel lonely when I am with them."


Well, in case you are wondering where I am getting the writing prompts from, it's writescape

星期一, 7月 06, 2020

The "rock"

Somehow you travel to the deepest part of the ocean.
It is barren, they said.
Oh, but you discover that it's not.
It's not barren at all.
Tell us what you find.


It was dark down there. You could only see the rays of light from our vehicle light. It was so quiet but peaceful down there. We reached to the floor, and started to observe around.

There are a lot of rocks on the floor, not as sandy as we imagined. However, there is no sign of lives there.

Suddenly, something moved. I am sure something was moving! I tried to watch closely where the light could reach. Then, it moved again! One of the rocks is moving! Then, I saw more rocks move! They were actually moved so slow that you could neglect that movement!

"Look! That big rock is now 1 degree off from it's original position!" I yelled to my teammates.

We realized, they are moving by ... it's like snail. They were actually gliding along! Then, we start to see the traits of plant on the floor! It's algae-like plant. The rocks that we saw are living things! Down there, it's not barren at all!

We were so delighted and took a lot of photos and video. When we wanted to raise and tell the world what we found, we just realized there is another big "rock" stand on top of our vehicle. We could not move at all!

"Help!"

星期日, 7月 05, 2020

It's Psyduck!

You dig a hole at the beach and uncover a hatch.
Of course you open it.
Of course you do!
What do you find?


I was chasing a baby crab. It run into a hole, and then disappear. I saw there was a big shell near by, so I used it to dig the hole to be bigger. I wanted to talk to that crab.

The sea level slowly falling. I am not sure if I used the right word, but... the sea water is flowing further and further away from us.

I continue to dig, but I didn't see the crab that I met. Instead, I saw some eggs. "Would it be the eggs of crab?" I silently asked myself. "No, that can't be." My guts told me, it isn't the crab egg. But, what could it be?

I took the eggs out, and suddenly one of the eggs start to crack in my hands!

A Psyduck came out!

"Oh my god... oh my god... Oh! My! God!"

It was so cute. Before I could start to think what to do with it, my brother came.

"Look, go-go. I found a Psyduck!"

"Let it go!" My brother yelled. "Daddy is not going to let you have it!"

"But.. go-go, I want it! I want it! The crab bring it to me! No, the crab bring me to it!" I started to talk non-sense, and burst into tears.

"Be good, mei-mei. Just let it go. His mother would miss him, if you take it away."

"But, why mummy never miss me when she is away?" I knew my brother won't able to answer me. So, I put down Psyduck and other eggs, and ran.

好吧,這應該有離題吧?我也不曉得要怎麼寫得特別點了。:D

星期六, 7月 04, 2020

The old man

Invent a superhero with a wonderful superpower, but also a terrible flaw.
A flaw that humanizes them, or puts them in danger.
Nobody is perfect, right?


There was a man, he could see things from afar. We do not know how far he could see. He also could hear sounds clearly, though it is so soft, or even out of normal human could listen's range.

When his neighbours worry about their kids, who yet to reach home after school, he would help them to take a look if the kids are safe and on the way home. If the kids got retention after school, he would try to listen to the kids and teacher, if everything is alright.

Julia also asked for his help to check out if her husband who works in the city is doing well.

Sam would ask him to see if the postman is on the way to the village with the letter that he longed to received.

Barbara would ask him if her mother-in-law complains the food she cooked.

Everyone likes him for his willingness to help all these tiny little favour. However, there's one thing that they wish he could change. He is now 80 years old, just like other old man, he likes to nag a lot, and tell all the grandmother and grandfather stories over and over again. Only the kids would love to listen to his stories.

Without him, this small village would not be as peaceful as it is now, and as lively as it is now.

故事好像寫得很差。就是想寫一位住在小鄉村老公公。他有超能力,千里眼和順風耳。日常,他幫鄰里“探望”親人,也順便幫一些鄰居去“偷聽”一些消息。不過,他就是愛念、老愛重複他的故事。大人們不喜歡,孩子們很開心。

星期五, 7月 03, 2020

preserverance

What is your best quality?
Describe it. In details.
Be generous, effusive.
Tell us all about it.
Brag like no one is reading.


My best quality.. hmm... preserverance(毅力)?

I have strong determination, however, it really depends on mood and my laziness level... Hey! I am supposed to talk about my best quality, not bad qualities... :D

With this quality, I managed to complete half-marathon few times, without proper training. I completed Inktober prompts for 3 years, and plan to continue this every year. I have done 12-month music writing in 2016, and 30-day 2020心情雜記 YouTube uploads.

Well, I am not able to think of any other achivement to support this. All other projects or works, seems like impacted by the laziness level and on halt, or slow progress. But I want to have this 20-minute writing to be sucess in this month. Just, I haven't fix a time in a day to do this. But it shall be in the morning. So, what I am starting today is just right. :)

I am also believe in life-long learning. This is related to this preserverance too. I am determined to continue to learn new things. This month, I have planned to continue the effort that I started last month, to take some courses on Dockers, Kubernetes and Jenkins. Next month, I'll focus on Microservices. These would help me better in devops field. I hope that it would help me to contribute to my organization, in whatever way, but not coding. Not only because I no longer want to become a developer, but I am totally not clicked with this dev team. However, this team also have high preserverance and determination, which can do nothing else except coding. OK, I exaggerate too much.

Alright, I spent more than 20 minutes on this, I shall stop here.

星期四, 7月 02, 2020

My first car

You find a vehicle under a tarp in a field.
What kind of vehicle?
A stolen car, a time machine, or perhaps a bike that flies.
You take it for a spin.
What happens next?

That was my first car, Nissan Sunny 130Y. It was declared a total lost in 2005. I have not seen it for 15 years. I can't believe it's still... alive! There's no dent at all, my Little Dark Grey.

I walked near it, and opened the driver seat door. I hesitated a bit, but I sit in. I tried to turn the sterling a bit, it is as hard as before. Yes, it doesn't have the power sterling back then.

I tried to mimic the manual change gear action, get it positioned into first gear. I trained by this car on manual transmission for at least 7 or 8 years. I am still a proud manual transmission car driver.

Oh! Look at the cassette player! And... I just unable to imagine further. My last car with cassette player left me about 5 years ago. I am not sure if the cassette player that I imagine now, is part of the Nissan Sunny, or probably my dad's older car. My last car replaced this Little Dark Grey after I lost it. I remembered I imposed 2 main criteria before I got Kembara, it must have cassette player, and the windows must be manual winding type. Oh! It was 3 actually, it must be manual transmission.

Little Pinky, which I am having now, it's just fulfilled the manual transmission criteria. For I could not find any new car model with manual winding windows and cassette player.

Suddenly, Little Dark Grey was knocked by a trailer. I didn't see it's coming. The whole world was spinning. What happened?

It felt like the day, when I met with accident, in Little Dark Grey. I am not sure if I passed out, but I found myself sitting at the bench near the field. There's no Little Dark Grey in the middle of the field. I probably just suddenly think of it, and felt it was here again.

星期三, 7月 01, 2020

Things that make me don't feel like talking

Write a conversation deeply out of place for its setting.
Two people laughing at a funeral.
Crying sad at a wedding.
Depressed at a baby shower.
Overjoyed at an exam.
Let them talk it out.



Well, I am not sure how shall I start this. Recently, I am into listening to a playlist consists of the Heart Sutra music by Japanese Zen Music. It's very calming. Last night I had it played for more than an hour, and there was no dog barks or cat meows. It's definitely an extraordinary night for me, and I managed to get my July journal spread done then. OK, I shall back to my story for today.

It was lunch time. I was having lunch with my mum. She always complained that I don't talk much to her. I am not like my sister, can repeat the stories at work place over and over again. But, I am not sure why, at that point of time, I just feel like talking to her.

This remind me of another "talking session" that I had with her couple of days back. I just want to have a heart-to-heart session.

I started by saying, I know that she loves me, though I have different expectation. And I...

So, before I manage to continue, she said, "I really feel like I should help you to cut your hair shorter."

I am like... "Huh?"

"Did you know what I was talking about?"

"Yes, I did. I thought you finished your lines."

I took a deep breathe, and said, "Okay."

Back to the conversation during lunch time.

"You know, I missed old days a lot. I recall the orange soda in glass bottle. Do you remember it?"

She was busy munching. "Yeah."

"I missed grandmother's place. I recall... wait! Besides the orange colour soda drink, I recall there was a dark colour one. Right?"

I was excited to keep digging deeper in my memory lane. I looked at her, while continue to have my next bite of food. "Hmm..." She was still busy munching.

"Wait! Wait! It was Sarsi! Right??!! Right??!!" I am getting more and more excited.

"Can you stop talking? It's meal time now. We don't talk during meal time."

"But, I could hardly find suitable time to talk with you... You said I seldom talk with you..." I felt hurt, a little bit.

"Yes, but now is meal time. We eat during meal time, not talking." She continued to eat.

"Oh... OK."

Hmm.. did I get the theme right? :D

小時候



我有時候很好奇,所謂傳統,是怎麼來的?兒時的記憶,書上、網上讀來的,聽別人說的,聽父母說的⋯⋯全都有自己的模樣。那,何謂傳統?何謂習俗?

說通俗一點,那只是某人的習慣、某人的偏愛而已。你想要別人跟你的,就用傳統、習俗來代替習慣與偏愛的字眼。

小時候,要過年時,外婆家有個用布當門簾的櫃子,裡面會有很多支像昨天畫的那些玻璃樽橙汁汽水。我們會用紅紙剪成像流蘇樣子,裝飾那玻璃樽。然後就擺在神台那裡,當作是供品之一。

我記得,我們家也是這樣。我還記得,它其實有兩種味道的,另一種味道是Sarsi。不過,不曉得什麼時候,這種汽水就退出了我們的生活。照理由,應該會有替代品。我不曉得是不是由那些塑料瓶的汽水代替。我只知道,很多年了,神台上是沒有汽水的。

好懷念那些“傳統”和“習俗”啊~

今天開始不再錄影片和讓自己每天在「2020心情雜記」上做畫什麼的。明早是否會有什麼東西寫呢?或許,就每天來個20minutes writing吧。^^